Forth Day - Feeling Slightly Better

Well my first few days here have felt like i've gone cold turkey after using Cocaine

for 20 years. A lot of crying, feeling like the world around me is caving in, just dark.

Not wanting to get out of bed, brush my teeth, eat, do anything. It was like I was frozen

and incapable of doing the most basic things. All I found myself being able to do was

hit 'Jack' or 'Mamma' numbers, both of which are on speed dial, and as soon as they

had to go I burst into hysterical tears. Not ideal. You could say things went south after

my last post and yes - I want nothing more then to go home, home.

Ive been getting out of the house each day but still found myself weeping in the most

random spaces, but on Sunday I went to church, where there was a BBQ and went for

the most spectacular walk with someone from the church, the alps surrounding us,

which felt some what familiar and comforted me. Then later the same lady came

over to watch a movie - it was just nice to have the physical company and someone

present. 'Something' changed in me (after prayer and her being there) and I felt the

darkness lift a little and felt myself relaxing into the sofa.

However contradicting myself - saying that the views were stunning, I just couldn't appreciate

them, thus making me feel even worse for being given this opportunity to

live in this heavenly like place and not even be able to enjoy it - I felt I was robbing another

persons opportunity. Does that even make sense? I do hope so! Now, I know this is

bonkers thinking but it's nothing but the truth.

Today, my forth day here, i've woken up feeling a little less sad and a little more 'get

up and go' spark. The game plan is to take a day as it comes and we'll see where I

end up. For today, I'm still attached to just having Jack there on Zoom (like skype), it's the

whole just having company thing. I am feeling up to writing some friends letters (yes,

we're old before our age and promised each other to write each other, we love a bit of

traditional living, and the National Trust - defiantly something I adore if you didn't

already know). I'll do that and maybe go for a mooch around the village to take some

snaps.

Thank you for all your kind words and support (you know who you are, your my

BFFs) Lots of love, Amber xxx