What Does It Take to Making 22 The Best Year Yet?

Since my whole Geneva plan went down heavier then a lead balloon my 22nd year on this earth has naturally taken a change in direction which has left me puzzled (despite my post where I disclosed what I'm up to). For the past few weeks I've been muddling though, working out what I want to do, I’ve had many a hick up, many discussions, a bucket load of tears and frustrations and coffee dates that involve Jack and I deciding what our life together this year will look like. It’s all good and well with him by my side, but what do I, Amber Michaela, want? I’ve always had my heart set on living my best life, as an individual and as a partner in crime to my beloved Jack. We’ve got the partner thing down to a T, but I think it is about time I work on myself for myself.

This morning, I have woken up with a new found determination to make this year the best yet now I'm a university graduate and free from education. My days are really all mine, I have no idea what to do with myself besides the overwhelming stress of ‘I need to use this time for good’ Notwithstanding, the key issue here is what the heck does that look like? There are so many areas of life that I could tackle, alter, prosper and flourish in.

There are so many questions on my little mind, taking into account my freshly graduated plan went unfavourably! What are my priorities? What do I want to feel accomplished at this year? What do I see myself on my 23rd birthday reminiscing over? What would make me proud?

It does not help I see so many of my classmates in media jobs: filming for the likes of ASOS, working in the Gherkin, modelling for Vogue, picturing LFW. Then there is the 20 year old plastered over social media who are on their third Hermes Berkin not to mention last seasons 5 Guccis. Please don't confuse my rant with jealousy, I will be the first to give them the credit they deserve, they've truly worked hard for their luxuries. I am merely suggesting they've got an unwavering vision of what they want, and quite frankly I thought I would be in their position or at least in the process of getting their but the reality of the situation is that.. I'm here, having thought I had it all together, done the internships, gained the experience, headed up and produced a global campaign conversely I'm getting my caffeine fix on the daily while writing blog posts, shopping with friends, dabbling in the business world (I can hear all entrepreneur cringing with the understanding you just can not be successful ‘dabbling’) and praying God gives me answers for my purpose in 2018/19.

Patience was never a virtue I was blessed with, but if this time of waiting isn't teaching me how to be gracious in the piercing, unsettling still moments, I need serious help.

In the same vane as most of my posts thus far I quite plainly just needed to write in the hope that I might benefit from a spark of inspiration solely through my own thinking processing. On second thoughts I think this dilemma may take some time to take take shape, in all its’ colourful splendour I'm sure it will turn out to be.

I don't just want your average coffee shop job, I'm looking towards what I really want, not something to ‘get by’ or ‘something to do with my time’. I want meaning. I want ‘something’ I enjoy. I want ‘something' I can call my own. I want an achievement that has moved me closer to my goals that I can be proud of. I dread looking back thinking ‘what did I actually do’.

Any words of wisdom are appreciated in this time of decision making.

Love, Amber